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Bernadette Chapman
Bernadette Chapman co-founded the UK Alliance of Wedding Planners to help brides to find an experienced, reputable wedding planner. Contact: www.ukawp.com. |
Bernadette Chapman answers all your Wedding Planning related questions |
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Help, I need to chill out!
Q. I'm beginning to get really nervous about my wedding. My stomach is in knots and I'm starting to snap at everyone, without good reason. I feel like I'm turning into a cross between an ogre and a bridezilla. How can I make sure I?m relaxed on the day?
A. Bernadette Chapman says: First of all, be organised. Confirm all suppliers a month before the wedding and give copies of the confirmation documents to your planner, bridesmaid or venue. Create a timetable for the day so you are clear about exactly what is happening and when. Again, give copies to all parties involved.
Spend the couple of weeks before the wedding relaxing, going out for drinks with the girls and doing a lot of pampering. Also, take quality time out with your fiancé and try not to talk about the wedding.
The night before, go to bed early and ensure you have breakfast to give you some energy. If anyone is beginning to make you feel stressed, ask them to leave you alone for a short time until you and they have calmed down.
Before stepping down the aisle, take a few deep breaths with your eyes closed, smile and take your walk to married life slowly. You?ll find you?ll look calm and confident, even if you?re still feeling a little nervous inside. |
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How can I make an unforgettable entrance?
Q. I'm looking for something other than the traditional car to transport me to the church. Could you give me any alternative suggestions?
A. Bernadette Chapman says: How about a convertible Morris Minor or Beetle for a retro style? Or you could contact a local farmer, and ask if you could hire them to collect you on their tractor. But if you really want to feel like a princess, then a horse and carriage is perfect, especially if you hire an extra one large enough to carry the bridesmaids too. |
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Breaking from tradition
Q. My fiancé wants his two brothers to be best men, but everyone keeps telling us we shouldn't have two because it's not the 'done thing'. He also wants one of his best friends, who is female, to be an usher. Once again, people are telling us not to. Should we listen to them and stick to tradition?
A. Bernadette Chapman says: OK, first things first: of course you can have two best men, there is actually nothing unusual about that at all. In fact it can work very well, as they will be able to share the responsibility.
Secondly, there is no problem with having a female usher, I've had this at a few of my weddings. You just need to decide whether she will wear a dress or a suit. If she wears the latter, I would suggest a tailored women's suit with the same tie as the men, and make sure she has a buttonhole as well.
This is your day, so you should do what feels right, not what other people think you should do. |
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Losing Count
Q. My fiancé and his mother are insisting that all our guests can bring a date to our wedding. I'm not happy with this as it increases the guest list by at least 20 people. Plus, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of having people I don't know at the wedding. Am I being unreasonable?
A. Bernadette Chapman says: You should only feel obliged to invite guests' partners if they are married, engaged, living together or have been together for a significant length of time. At the end of the day, each guest is costing you money, so you have to draw the line somewhere. |
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Party Planning
Q. We are getting married in Florida, but plan to have an evening party in Essex upon our return. How can we make it more of a wedding reception and less of a party?
A. Bernadette Chapman says: I got married in St Lucia many years ago and had a reception at home like you're doing. Here are my suggestions:
1. Choose a venue that has a reception area that can be used for welcome cocktails
2. If possible, have your wedding video playing on a loop and your wedding photo album nearby
3. In the main party area, set up some tables around the dance floor and decorate them with similar flowers to the ones you're having in Florida
4. Keep the traditions of cutting the cake, the speeches and the first dance
5. Work with the venue to create a buffet menu that reflects the cuisine in Florida |
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Family troubles
Q. I have just got engaged and I'm already wishing we could just elope! My fiancé is Jewish, and my future mother-in-law is insisting we have a Jewish ceremony with all 90 of his relatives present. We're not comfortable with this and we really don't want to be forced into it. How can we tackle this problem?
A. Bernadette Chapman says: Families are always the ones to make life stressful for brides; don't worry, you are not alone.
There are always compromises, for instance, why not have a civil ceremony followed immediately by a Jewish blessing? You will need to find a rabbi that is willing to do this, and you must keep the registrars informed of your plans, but this way you'll please both sides of the family.
Once you have found a venue you like, tell your fiancé's mother the venue's maximum capacity, and that you're going to have to cut down numbers.
To keep her happy, you could ask her if she'd like to host an engagement party, where she can invite all the relatives. |
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